azriona: (cat in a box)
Earlier this evening:

Andrew: Momma, I want this (light-up truck that makes lots of obnoxious sounds) in my bedroom tonight.
Me: Well, I want Benedict Cumberbatch in my bedroom, but that’s not happening either.

Fast forward about an hour:

So the baby’s asleep for the night, and Bill’s getting Andrew into his PJs.  This is usually when I gather my things and head to my laptop for some goofing off online while I pretend to work.

For some reason, the door to the office space with my laptop was closed, but I figured Andrew had just closed it and hadn’t really stressed about it.  So I opened the door, turned on the light, and proceeded to have a heart attack.

Here's why.... )
azriona: (cat in a box)
In no particular order:

1. I spent two hours and cleaned the floors on the first level of the house so well you can eat off them.  (Shut up, it's been a while since I had a chance to do that.)

2. I sort of organized the office, so it does not look entirely like a disaster zone.  Now it just looks like a disaster zone waiting to happen.  This is improvement.  Also, I have a plan that will result in me being able to unpack the LAST DAMN BOX leftover from last summer's move.

3. I had lunch with my husband THREE TIMES.

4. Andrew and I had a very funny conversation which I meant to write down but did not and thus have forgotten nearly all of it except for the fact that at one point, he said, "No, Momma, I trying to TELL you."  (Because I kept correcting him what he was saying, except I misunderstood what he was trying to say.)

5. Oh, and the editor liked my story and sent back some really good feedback and I have to edit it and send it back now. Squeeee.

6. Cleo got caught in the rainstorm and is walking around the house entirely pissed off and looking like a wet rat.  Hopefully this will teach her not to go outside and she will stay in where it is nice and safe and there are no foxes.

But the best thing is:

7. It is 9.30pm and Andrew finally fell asleep.

Priorities, yo.
azriona: (cat in a box)
(Bill and I are sitting opposite each other at the table. Each of us are on our laptops.)

(All takes place over IM)

Me: B2
Me: C2
Me: D2
Bill: ???
Me: glub glub
Bill: You sank 3/4s of my BATTLESHIP.
Bill: Learn to count, hippie.

(Am feeling much better now about the phone, btw. I mean, still broken, no apology, but eh. It's a phone, it still works, and after I do or don't get the phone call I'm waiting for tomorrow, I can suffer it being out of my hands for a while in order to get it fixed. Teenage boys are teenage boys and it's a lesson for me for next time.)
azriona: (cat in a box)
Apparently, my new Kindle has it's own email address. I'm amused. I've also been trolling the internet for free eBooks, and have had good luck in finding various editions of classic novels which are theoretically going to be on my Kindle when I power it up again. Jane Eyre and Sherlock Holmes and Jerome K Jerome (which I've always wanted to read) and The Scarlet Pimpernel and Jack Reed and a few others that looked intriguing. (And yes, there's fanfic on there now too, except for some reason, Performance in a Leading Role isn't transferring, which is mildly annoying.)

(And now I'm wondering how many Kindles out there have my fanfics on them, because the idea that my words are being read on someone's Kindle just tickles me pink.)

A bit of angst )

Anyway, I'm procrastinating from writing, which I really shouldn't be doing, except I'm in one of those places where I'm sure everything I write is crap, which makes me very unmotivated to write, so I end up pushing, and then it is crap, so it's a vicious cycle. I am writing about tea. And all it's doing is making me hungry.

Ooo. I think there's leftovers in the fridge. Hey, it's afternoon in the UL, guacamole is perfectly acceptable, yes yes?
azriona: (Default)
1. Bill has accused me of using this week in London to relive the month I lived here five years ago.

He's not entirely wrong. You know, if you ignore the fact that I'm not working and I've brought my husband and son along, plus I'm living in a different part of the city, this is more or less what life was like for that totally awesome, fantastic, one-of-the-best-months-of-my-life month.

2. The following conversation happened:

Bill: You bought scones, right?
Me: Yes.
Bill: Can I have one?
Me: Sure. What do you want on it?
Bill: ...Nothing?
Me: They're kind of plain.
Bill: Didn't you get a flavored one?
Bill: But...they didn't have lemon scones?
Me: Honey, the Brits don't really do lemon scones.
Bill: make lemon scones!
Me: Note: I am not British.
Bill: But there's no FLAVOR.
Me: Scones are really only vehicles for the clotted cream and jam, sweetie.
Bill: So you're telling me that I came all the way to London just to discover that I like your scones better?
Me: Yup. Here, I bought you a saffron bun. Eat that instead.

3. (I have been having a scone with clotted cream and jam every morning for breakfast. I'm pretty sure that this is technically Not Breakfast Food. I'm also pretty sure I don't care, because I've been having a scone with clotted cream and jam every morning for breakfast.)

4. I've got about a dozen bookmarks on Tumblr at the moment - I forgot my earbuds, so I can't actually listen to anything without risking waking up Bill or Andrew, so I've been bookmarking all the music and videos. I'm sort of fearful for how long it'll take to get through them when we get back home.

5. And...shoot, Andrew's awake. I think there was something else, but I can't remember it now.
azriona: (Default)
Me: Bill, why is the Doctor frozen in carbonite in my freezer?
Bill: Because Jar Jar Binks wasn't available.
Me: ...
Bill: ...
Me: That is an acceptable response.


Me: Andrew! Breakfast! We have bacon!
Andrew: Yay bacon!
Me: I have taught you well.


Bill: That's not how the carbonite conversation went.
Me: Yeah, but my version is funnier.


Bill: Are you going to have any more bacon?
Me: I haven't had any bacon.
Bill: Is Andrew going to eat his bacon?
Me: I don't think so. Apparently he's Canadian now.


(While Andrew is screaming in protest about having to go to bed at the obnoxious hour of 7.30pm:)

Bill: Hi, are you the worst mommy in the world?
Me: Yes, yes I am.
Bill: Oh, good. I'm the worst daddy, it's so nice to meet you.
Me: Absolutely, we should have coffee sometime.
azriona: (Where have you been today?)
Somewhere on the New Jersey Turnpike, yesterday afternoon:

Me: What are you doing?
Bill: Trying to find the traffic report.
Me: Not like we're going to understand what it says.
Bill: Well, if it says that a dinosaur has eaten the Tappan Zee Bridge, we'll understand that's bad.
Me: Sure, because there's a hungry dinosaur roaming around New York. Although if he's just eaten a bridge, he's probably not hungry anymore.
Bill: I bet we're the only car on the Turnpike having this conversation right now.
Me: You think?

Dear Whoever Invented Portable DVD Players:

YOU ARE A GOD. Statues should be erected of you, and cities should be named for you. Show up at my door, and I will feed you brownies until you pop.

Much Love,


p.s. Please send extra batteries.

Dear Disney Corporation,

Ten minutes of previews that can't be skipped while the batteries on the portable DVD player are running dangerously low? YOU SUCK.

No Love,

azriona: (Default)
...and, it being Bill, it included a bunch of books he carted with him to the other side of the world, intending to read them. (That he didn't get a chance to read any is another story altogether.) Anyway:

Bill: I've got a biography of Scipio Africanus.
Me: Is he Irish?
Bill What?
Me: Skippy O'Africanus?
Bill: I'm teaching Andrew history.

(A little later:)

Bill: Who names a general "Skippy" anyway?
azriona: (Andrew)
Happy First Birthday to Andrew!

In honor of Andrew's first birthday being TODAY, everyone gets additional Cute Baby Pictures.

I will say that we were somewhat lax in the birthday present department. For Andrew's birthday, he got an actual pair of SHOES, with soles and everything. He also got a leash. (For himself, not the cat.)

Oh, I did get him this one other thing. The Best Present of All. It's debatable whether this present is more for me than it is Andrew. )

Andrew's party is on Saturday. Expect video of Andrew smashing his cupcake into a pancake.
azriona: (Default)
Andrew took about four steps before falling over. He did this three times. I think it was a fluke. I really hope it was a fluke.

Dear Whatever Deities Are Reading This Journal (Thor, I'm looking at you),

Please, please, please, let those steps have been a fluke. I will totally sacrifice a goat or something if you give me another month. Thank you.



In other news, Bill says when he gets home, I can have a vacation. His suggestion? "You can sleep on someone else's couch!"

*blinks* I think this merits a poll.

[Poll #1633493]
azriona: (Andrew)
1. Andrew slept unswaddled last night. He woke up twice, but that's not unusual, and I think it's more related to Point 2 than it is to Point 1, Point 2 being:

2. Andrew has a new tooth! It's just barely sticking out, but it is totally there. Andrew is not terribly enthused about his new tooth. Mommy thinks it's the coolest thing ever.

3. But then, Mommy's world is suspect anyway. The following conversation occurred this morning:

Bill: Did you do something different with your hair?
Me: Uh....I washed it?
Bill: ......Oh.

Someday, I plan on actually drying it. And maybe styling it. I'm daring and innovative that way, you know.
azriona: (Default)
Hey, guys -

How do you report plagarized fanfic on I've just been notified by an astute reader (THANK YOU!) that this fic is an exact copy of my Choices and Chances. I've looked, and it is, and I know this was a topic of discussion recently, but I don't remember how it was resolved.


Edited to add:
Hmm. Does this mean that I'm so good, that someone actually wants to steal what I wrote? Or so bad, that the thief thinks no one will recognize the story from when I first posted? A conundrum.

Edited to add update:
Okay, I've reported the plagiarist to [ profile] stop_plagiarism, as well as to the support email at, and reported possible abuse on the first chapter. Now, I'm taking Andrew to the pool before the thunderstorm moves in.

Also, the following:

Me: Guess what! I have a plagiarist!
Bill: Huh?
Me: Someone took one of my DW stories and is reposting it as if she wrote it herself!
Bill: She's stealing your fanfic?
Me: Yup.
Bill: Jeez. Of all the things you could steal, why would anyone steal fanfic? That's just sad.
Me: Yeah, 'cause Shakespeare would totally earn loads on the open market.
azriona: (Andrew)
After yesterday's excitement, Andrew ended up going to bed at 5.15pm - and slept until 8.45 this morning. With frequent bottle breaks, but still - sleeping. When he woke up this morning, he was happy and smiling and in an excellent mood, which even a trip to the pediatrician for his six-month check-up couldn't destroy.

Seriously, the kid was sitting there on the table, grinning at anyone and everyone who came in, up to and including the nurse bearing three needles aimed at his leg.

Naturally, the smiles for her did not last long. But neither did the tears. He wailed, there was a single, lonesome little tear at one eye, and then there was an additional bottle for comfort. After which he fell asleep in the car on the way home.

But! The big news:

Andrew is now 14 pounds, 8 ounces, and 26-1/4 inches long!!!!

He's on target for height but still small for his age, but otherwise the doctor wasn't that worried. However, while we were giving him his check-up, he spit up green (again), so we're thinking to maybe lay off the avocado for a few months or so, then give them another whirl. Which means Mommy will have to eat the remaining avocados for Andrew. A hardship, but one must be willing to sacrifice for their children.

Anyway, today's plan is to get my cell phone fixed (it's telling me I have an unregistered SIM and thus no service, when I've had the phone for four years now), and deal with getting the car repaired. And possibly a new car seat, which I'm hoping the insurance will cover, since I wouldn't be needing a new car seat if we hadn't been hit by a truck yesterday. Argh.


Day 24 - Best quote

Yeah, sorry. I can't think of a single quote I love beyond all others. Bill and I constantly quote both "The Simpsons" and "Titus" at each other (the popular lines being "Well, kids, let's go home" "We ARE home" "That was fast" and "I said ha-ha!" and "Look, Dave, cows!" "I'm not that easy" and "You can tell it's triptaphen because you can still feel your legs".)

But favorite? No idea.

Therefore, I think it's high time for a video of Andrew.

The rest of the days )
azriona: (Default)
Bill: All right, Andy! Guy's Night out!
Me: [noting that it's 2pm] Afternoon.
Bill: Whatever. We're going to the bookstore, and then if you're good, to the *mumblemumble*
Me: To the where?
Bill: Nothing!
Me: Uh-huh.
Bill: 'Bye, Mom!

I'm pretty sure that Bill wouldn't be allowed to take Andrew into a gentleman's establishment. For one thing, Andrew's too cute; all the dancing girls would be distracted, and I can't imagine the owners of said establishment would be too thrilled with their entertainment fawning over the baby.


Day 22 - Favorite series finale )
azriona: (Default)
Bill: You seem like you're in a good mood.
Me: I am. I have no idea why.
Bill: You've got another man, don't you?
Me: Huh?
Bill: Another man. A man on the side. Someone other than me.
Me: Yes, yes I do. His name is Andrew. He wakes me up a couple of times a night so that I can service his needs and desires.

Well, it's true.

I am so going to hell....
azriona: (Andrew)
Andrew is beginning to squawk - he ate 2 1/2 hours ago, I know he's not hungry - and I have to feed and dress him before packing the car and getting out of here in time to go to my first session of Mommy Boot Camp (which should be all sorts of interesting. So the review of A Single Man will have to wait for his afternoon nap.

However, as promised, I have copied the following, which is Bill's report from the evening of January 27-28, when he handled the 11pm and 2am feedings. Silly man.

I would like to point out that usually I'm asleep a good hour before this all happens. We were finishing up season 3 of The Tudors and I was sort of captivated by the spectacularly incorrect costumes.

2310 [ profile] azriona goes to bed.
2315 [ profile] azriona is asleep.
2350 Andrew starts getting fussy
0000 Fed Andrew 3 ounces
0045 Andrew gets hiccups and starts fussing again
0100 Bill starts changing Andrew's diaper
0105 Andrew kicks baby powder bottle out of Bill's hand, spilling powder all over the bed
0106 Profanity
0110 Andrew is changed into pajamas and Bill attempts to re-swaddle him
0110 Andrew spits up
0120 Andrew calms down and is put back in crib
0200 Andrew starts getting fussy again and wriggles out of swaddling
0210 Andrew starts crying
0215 Fed Andrew 3 ounces
0225 Andrew drops pacifier out of his mouth and onto the floor.
0230 Bill can't find pacifier in a dark room on the floor while holding an infant
0231 Bill realizes there are no other pacifiers in the room because he spilled baby powder over the other ones
0232 Profanity
0235 Bill returns with pacifier from downstairs
0240 Attempt to re-swaddle
0250 Andrew calms down, goes back in crib
0330 End of Shift
azriona: (Lightning is God's Way)
Sometimes, I get to post things. It's kind of cool.

Yesterday we took Andrew on a Road Trip. We've done mini ones before, over to Laurel to visit Bill's aunt, but yesterday we drove practically to Charlottesville to visit his...well, not exactly namesake. Andrew's middle name, Dean, was the last name of a friend who died in a car crash three years ago (since her first name wouldn't work, as we don't subscribe to the Boy Named Sue theory), and yesterday we went to visit her parents.

Two hours there, two hours back, with a baby in the backseat. Happily for us, he slept the entire way, but we didn't dare stop because I had exactly two bottles worth of formula and only four diapers. (Only four diapers. Ha!) This wasn't so bad on the way down, but we'd been hoping to get barbecue on the way home again. And had we stopped anywhere for longer than two minutes, we would have run into Andrew's 8pm bottle, and had we missed that, bedtime would have been an utter mess.

Bedtime, happily, has been getting easier. Andrew conks out pretty quickly after the 8pm bottle, and is even willing to sleep in his crib at that point instead of wanting to be held as he sleeps. Last night was a bit odd because he'd slept so well in the car - but even that didn't deter him too much. And he was even a bit more alert after waking up again.

Me: See, you napped really well, and now you're awake. Let's take this lesson learned and apply it to daily life, and start taking naps like a good baby. Which you are, but still, Mommy would like to have time to wash the dishes during the day. Clean dishes means clean bottles for additional feedings. Yum!
Bill: I don't think Andrew responds to reason yet.
Me: Daddy has no faith in your ability to follow a logical line of thought, Andrew. I say you retaliate by spitting up on him.

Speaking of which, Bill wants to take Andrew to Vegas. Last week, Bill wore a Duke shirt while Andrew wore a Tarheels bib. Andrew spit up on both. That night, both teams lost. A few days later, Andrew did not spit up on the Tarheels shirt Bill wore. That night, the Tarheels won. (This did not work with the Vikings on Sunday, but Bill cheated by putting several layers of clothing over his Vikings shirt in an effort to trick Andrew, who tried to spit up on the Viking shirt but was unable to get through the five thousand shirts.)

For those interested, Andrew has already spit up on both his Brewers bib and his Red Sox bib. This will be a long baseball season for our household. *sigh*

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